Spiced Cauliflower Rice

Before y’all get all worked up let me warn you: this is one of those faux recipe recipes.  And I’m not trying to bash rice or anything.  I mean who doesn’t like rice — especially the sticky white steamed kind?  My fav.  You see, rice was always comforting for me, but that kind of stopped being the case after, er you know, all the GI stuff.  This recipe is a very basic adaptation of something that’s been done by paleo and other grain free eaters millions of times.  Yes, it’s cauliflower rice; not original.  But it’s the best way I’ve found (so far) to do it.

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if you squint hard enough this could be rice, no?

The first couple times I tried cauliflower as a rice substitute I HATED it.  It didn’t feel like, taste like, look like, resemble rice in any way, shape, or form!  I’m not here to tell you that it will.  But I am here to say that once I learned how to cook this stuff, I said hasta luego to rice and haven’t missed it much since.

Anyone who’s ever told you to steam your riced cauliflower or boil it in whatever it may be (water or broth) is WRONG.  Cauliflower couscous is not a thing.  It doesn’t take well to steaming either.  At least, I haven’t had much luck with that.  Sautéing it in a pan (with a lid please) is the way to go.  I like to get the pan ripping hot and almost toast the rice for not even a minute.  Then I back off to like the medium heat and put a lid on it.  I’d watch that though and stir it up occasionally, because if you don’t you will get a whole bunch of burnt and a whole bunch of steamed.  No me digas.  Bonus: if you make enough for leftovers, this rice becomes even more flavorful when it’s reheated in a pan with some coconut oil and your protein of choice after it’s cooled in the fridge for a day or so.

Different Spice Mixes:  I have a certain way I normally season it, but I will also cook it different depending on what I’m serving it with.  Like rice, cauliflower rice is very versatile.

  • My spice job: equal parts cumin, turmeric, chili powder, rosemary, and oregano (abt. 1 tsp. for a large head of cauli)
  • Spanish Rice: cumin, chili powder, oregano, garlic and onion powder
  • Other options: asian (think fish sauce, diced, dried seaweed, scallions), cajun (heavy on the paprika, bell peppers stirred in), etc. etc…  Haven’t tried them but it’s a thought.
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dis my spice job

Okayyyyyyy, let me stop talking and let you make cauliflower rice.

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Spiced Cauliflower Rice- 20-25 min.; serves like 6-8 (I guess)

Ingredients:

  • Spice mix (see above you skimmer!)
  • 1 tsp. salt
  • 1/2 tsp. pepper
  • 1 large head of cauliflower
  • 2 tbsp. of cooking fat/oil of choice — I use ghee for richness but not everybody can tolerate it.  Might I suggest duck or pork lard?  A nice olive oil would be my first choice if going all veg.

Directions:

  1. Cut up your cauliflower into florets.  That’s a fancy word for the flowering stems on yo cruciferous.
  2. Rinse in cold water.  Either leave out to air dry or hand dry them with a towel.  Not kidding: you don’t want it to be wet or it will steam more than it’ll do anything.
  3. Place dried florets into a food processor and pulse until it’s fine and a little bit smaller than your typical grain of rice.  Most likely gonna’ have to do this is batches.  Dump your cauflrice in a mixing bowl.
  4. When you’re finished grinding the hell out of your cauliflower and putting it in a bowl, throw in your spice mixture, salt, and pepper.  Stir that baby up and incorporate dem seasonings.
  5. Get a pan ripping hot (caliente, hot AF, etc. etc.) and add 1 tbsp. cooking fat/oil to the pan.
  6. Dump in all your caulifrice.  Let it go far about a minute like that.
  7. Turn down heat to medium, add around another tbsp. of fat, and put a lid on it.
  8. Watch that thing, take the lid off, and stir it every 3-5 minutes (about 3 times in total).
  9. Let it do this for 10-15 minutes (depending on how hot your stove runs, idk)
  10. Take it off the heat and let it rest with the lid on until serving.  You could do this for like 5-10 minutes and it won’t hurt it.  Just stir it up before you plate.

 

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Buen Provecho, you done.

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Jacquie says:

    Are you doing a tsp of each seasoning ingredient?

    Like

    1. Erik Schwarzenberg says:

      Typically yes. I do really like the taste of turmeric though so if you wanted to half anything, I’d suggest that

      Liked by 1 person

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